Fear of Falling in Love (and Looking Dumb)

Well, kids, back in my day (middle school), when the 12- and 13-year-olds decided they wanted to grow up, pretty much everyone had a relationship that lasted a few weeks. Left and right, my friends had boyfriends—or didn’t think that much about said boyfriends—because you're young and learning. The only thing you had to worry about was if little Jimmy had a streak with another girl on Snap.

Now, in college, there’s so much pressure to be in a committed relationship with the person you’re going to marry, or you’re single. Being in a “situationship” is a concept that was left in high school, but that gray area is what we call dating.

I think hearing “if he wanted to, he would” doesn’t click in my head the way it should. Personally, I REALLY want to, but I don’t—mostly due to fear of being stuck in that gray area. But what’s with the collective hatred of dating? Watch a season of Sex and the City and count the number of boyfriends the girls had. At the time, no one would blink an eye because that’s what the point of dating is: it’s a test run. So why is there such a bad aura around it?

Some could say social media. Slut-shaming is WAY too common nowadays, and it’s no longer cool to have a new boyfriend every six months. Just today, I watched a TikTok of a girl hard-launching her relationship, and the comments were filled with “That was fast” and “Hard launching twice in the same year is crazy.” It got me thinking—why is dating two different men in one year SO insane? Carrie Bradshaw would label that year as a dry patch if she knew she only went out with two men. So, that’s where the gray area comes in, in my opinion. The fear of it not working out and getting judged by society. I have to look into my own love life when thinking about this—or lack thereof.

The first guy I officially dated, I made the mistake of posting him on Instagram because he was my prom date, so I posted our pics. I didn’t really tag him or say anything in the comments, but the corsage and look of high school love were practically radiating off me. Turns out we never solidified that he was my boyfriend, giving him the opportunity to have an actual girlfriend behind my back. (There were signs; I just ignored them, lol.) Anyways, the Instagram post stayed up a whole three days before I deleted it, leaving everyone at my school talking about my mystery boyfriend, and then me having to explain the absence of my mystery boyfriend. Long story short, I told myself the world just did not need to know about any relationship I have until the one-year mark hits. And maybe this advice would help a lot more of us because, with our whole lives being online, we could use a little privacy.

Back to the whole “if he wanted to, he would” thing—I think this collective fear is the reason why that phrase is incorrect. Both men and women (as delusional as it sounds) might not make a move regarding their crush out of fear it won’t work out. I don’t mean take this as “he is in love with you,” I’m just saying, in my own experience, it’s not always the case. Confessing your feelings for someone means you start dating. Once you start dating, you either get married, or you break up. It’s a tough pill to swallow, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You could date someone who turns out to be the complete opposite of what you want, but maybe he was put in your life to show you what you actually want in a partner. Life’s too short to live in fear of judgment. Life’s too short to not tell them how you feel.

xo- em